Someone Needs to Make a Green Eggs and Ham version of Swag Once-ler and Green Beans.

interbutts:

swaggermimint:

triggeringbiggering:

I’m just sayin’.

I would read the shit out of that.

someone fucking do this

Okay, I can provide the script for now.


M:

I am Mom

I am Mom

Mom I am

S:

That Mom-I-am

That Mom-I-am!

Stop. Mom, mom stop.

Stop, Mom-I-am.

M:

Do you like

green beans with thneeds?

S:

I do not like them, Mom-I-Am

Green beans caused a traffic jam

M:

Would you like them

Here or there?

S:

I would not like them

here or there

I would not like them anywhere

I do not like green beans,

they broke up the beatles,

and ruined my factory’s machines.

M:

Would you like them in a house?

Would you like them with a mouse?


S:

I do not like them in a house

I do not like them with a mouse.

I do not like them here or there.

I do not like them

anywhere.

I do not like green beans, that is plain to see

They killed Abe Lincoln with killer bees.


M:

Would you eat them with a fox?

Would you eat them in a box?

S:

Not in a box.

Not with a fox.

Not in a house.

Not with a mouse.

I would not eat them here or there

I would not eat them anywhere

I would not eat green beans, not even with thneeds,

they spread nothing but evil and disease.

M:

Would you? Could you?

In a car?

Eat them! Eat them!

here they are!

S:

I would not, could not,

in a car

Not even in my swag as fuck bed of a racecar.

M:

You may like them

You will see.

You will like them

in a tree?

S:

Bitch please, not in a tree

I cut them all down, can’t you see?

Not in a car! You let me be.

M: 

Did you just swear at your mom?

After what I’ve done to get you this far?

That hits me right here, like a bomb,

And don’t you dare light up that cigar!

S:

I’M SORRY MOM, GOD

BUT I DO NOT LIKE THEM IN A BOX.

I DO NOT LIKE THEM WITH A FOX.

I DO NOT LIKE THEM IN A HOUSE

I DO NOT LIKE THEM WITH A MOUSE

I DO NOT LIKE THEM HERE OR THERE

I DO NOT LIKE THEM ANYWHERE!

I DO NOT LIKE GREEN BEANS!

THEY TASTE LIKE SHIT,

THEY’RE THE SPAWN OF SATAN

AND SYLVESTER MCMONEY MCBEAN.

M:

Well a train then, a train!

A train, a train!

Could you, would you, on a train?

S:


God mom, stop, just stop!

Can’t you see?

Not on a train! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! Mom! Let me be!
I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, with a fox.
I will not eat them with a mouse
I will not eat them in a house.
I will not eat them here or there.
I will not eat them anywhere.
I do not like them, Mom!

I will not eat them, Mom I won’t!

You cannot force them down my throat!

M:

Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?
S:

I would not, could not,
in the dark.

M:
Would you, could you,
in the rain?

S:
I would not, could not, in the rain.
Not in the dark. Not on a train,
Not in a car, Not in a tree.
I do not like them, Mom, you see.
Not in a house. Not in a box.
Not with a mouse. Not with a fox.
I will not eat them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!

They invented evil,

they supported hitler,

they’re fascist dictators,

They infest your body with weevils!

M:


Son when you do this,

you let me down.

You do nothing but hiss,

and whine, and moan around.

S: 


I SAID I DON’T LIKE THEM MOM,

WHY WON’T YOU UNDERSTAND

I HATE THEM, I HATE THEM!

THEY TASTE REALLY BAD!

M:


Boy, you are GROUNDED!

Go to your room!

S:


But mom, that’s not fair!

I’m too rich for this!

I can’t be grounded,

don’t you care?!

M:


GO TO YOUR ROOM.

I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS.

LISTEN TO YOUR MOMMA,

BEFORE I SPANK YOU STRAIGHT INTO YOUR TOMB.

S:


MOM STOP YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS -

THE FUCKING END.

  1. aithranknight reblogged this from swaggermimint
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  3. knightoftimeywhimey reblogged this from evilplotting
  4. iamartemisday reblogged this from swaggermimint and added:
    I take my hat off to you, Sir/Madam.
  5. plutonis reblogged this from triggeringbiggering
  6. bbardroy reblogged this from triggeringbiggering
  7. triggeringbiggering reblogged this from swaggermimint and added:
    OH MY GOD THIS IS PERFECT MY BODY CAN’T HANDLE THIS ALL BOW DOWN TO SWAGGERMIMINT
  8. envyfan reblogged this from blazasco
  9. blazasco reblogged this from coffee-art-and-dirtypaws and added:
    THIS
  10. furefuwan reblogged this from coffee-art-and-dirtypaws
  11. adrenaline-revolver reblogged this from swaggermimint
  12. coffee-art-and-dirtypaws reblogged this from swaggermimint and added:
    i love you.
  13. tontontonberry reblogged this from thegoldengirl-art
  14. thegoldengirl-art reblogged this from swaggermimint and added:
    I just cried. It’s too fantastic for mortal eyes.
  15. paper-cats reblogged this from swaggermimint
  16. kirakeijinx reblogged this from swaggermimint
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  18. swaggermimint reblogged this from skoomapipe and added:
    Okay, I can provide the script for now. M: I am Mom I am Mom Mom I am That Mom-I-am That Mom-I-am! Stop. Mom, mom stop....